One of the hardest parts about leadership is embracing tension and learning to be comfortable with it.

Two of my coaching clients recently ran into the same tension, from opposite sides: spending time with their family.

Both are dedicated husbands and fathers, both struggling to find the right balance of time and energy between work and family.

One client struggled to focus on work because he always defaulted to focusing on his family. The other wanted to be more present with his family but felt too dedicated at work to ever leave it alone.

Same tension, two sides of the same coin.

As the coach, I didn’t have the correct answer for either of them. These aren’t situations where advice works. I can’t tell someone how to fix that tension.

Each client was able to work through the tension to find where it was coming from and what it was costing them. I simply asked questions and nudged their thinking along the path they were already on. I didn’t give answers. I helped them navigate their own tension and find their own path forward.

This is why I love coaching. It’s not about handing over the secret answer. It’s about helping clients discover it for themselves.

Tension comes at you in a lot of forms, and you’ve probably faced some version of:

• Short-term goals that conflict with long-term ones
• Caring for individuals while supporting the whole staff equally
• Being transparent and authentic while also maintaining discretion
• Providing stability while pushing for change

And there are so many more. Sometimes it seems like all we do as leaders is face lose-lose situations. But that’s the wrong way to think about it. It’s often not “win or lose” or “right and wrong,” it’s how you hold the tension and find the right path for that given situation.

There is no perfect answer to dissolve tension. Discovering your own path to holding tension is the only way through it.

Phil Klutts

405 Leadership Advisors LLC

We help leaders navigate business with ​confidence and clarity.