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This may be tough to hear, but avoiding hard conversations is not the path to being a better leader. Difficult conversations are a part of life regardless of whether you are a leader. For leaders, talking about tough things is part of the role.

Recently, my friend shared with me about a situation that wasn't getting better and causing too much stress in her life. She isn't a client of mine but my coaching mindset is hard to turn off. She wanted more than just a listening ear. And I wanted to help her navigate this leadership challenge. I listened and asked a few clarifying questions. By the end of our conversation I framed her options in a way I thought would help her move forward, "You can ignore the situation and deal with the consequences later or you can decide to navigate the conversations and deal with the problem."

Her facial expression told me she didn't like those options but knew it was what she had to do. The consequences of ignoring it were not too serious to avoid. I'm not sure how the situation has played out, but I know she stepped into leading in a way that makes her stronger and helps the people she's leading.

Are you stepping into your leadership the same way?

I have a saying that I often share with young leaders:

Difficult conversations come in many forms and for various reasons. Knowing how and getting experience in difficult conversations will help you grow in your leadership.

Here are three ways you can get better at having difficult conversations:

1. Read a book. Learning from experts and more experienced leaders is always beneficial. Here are a couple you can start with: Radical Candor by Kim Scott, Crucial Conversations by Patterson, McMillan, and Greely, and How to Have That Difficult Conversation by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
2. Practice. Start where the stakes are low or there is a lot of trust. Your family or close friends will be most forgiving if you stumble through a conversation. You can start with, "Hey, this is hard for me to say but I think it's important..." and see where the conversation leads.
3. Get a coach. Yes, I'm a coach - and I'd love to help you but it doesn't have to be me. Find a coach that fits your personality or situation. A good leadership coach can help you build the skills you need and help you role-play specific conversations so you build confidence before going into the real deal.
4. ​

Clarity fuels confidence, and confident leaders make an impact. Keep leading well!

Phil Klutts

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405 Leadership Advisors LLC

We help leaders define strategy and implement with ​confidence and clarity.